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"sorry I slapped you, but it didn't seem like you'd ever stop talking and I panicked"
"sometimes I question my sanity, but the unicorn and gummy bears told me I'm fine"
"every family has one weird relative. if you don't know who it is, it's probably you."
"you drink too much, you gossip too much, you have questionable morals... you're everything I ever wanted in a friend."
"not only is my short-term memory horrible, so is my short-term memory"
"of course I talk to myself. sometimes I need expert advice."
"it's just a matter of time before they add the word 'Syndrome' after my last name."
"true friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together."
"the first rule of the ocd club is that there has to be a second rule so we have an even number of rules."